I solve the problems of the world.

Torture is a hot topic these days. The president and former vice-president gave dueling speeches yesterday, wherein we heard their awesome plans for what to do with the Guantanamo detainees. Cheney says torture them, it's working. Obama says we should keep them, un-tortured but indefintely, without trial, and somewhere else.

I want to feel safe from terrorism. I want bad guys caught and punished. I don't think we should be a bunch of pussies, but I can't sign on for torture. I thought maybe I could. Here is a story about a DJ, Mancow,
who thought waterboarding didn't sound too bad, so he tried it. After six seconds, he admitted it was torture. After reading that story, I was still okay with a little torture. But then, I did a google image search for the photo I will use for this post. I used the search term "torture", with safe search on, and it was as stupid as it sounds. The photos I saw were obviously prisoners being tortured, some appeared to be tortured by Al Qaeda, and others appeared to be AQ operatives being tortured. None of them looked like they were getting their faces rinsed. They were all naked, and there was blood, and much torture seems to take place upside down. It's just not right, and I can't get behind it.
It's also ridiculous to think that we can keep suspected terrorists detained indefintely without a trial. It's not American. Obama's argument is that these prisoners aren't criminals, they are warriors, and therefore, a different set of rules apply.
I think that was Cheney's argument for torture.
I don't know what's right. I think both plans suck.

Here is what I want:
I want a supersecret team of agents with the undying patriotism of a Nascar fan, the kung- fu skills of Jackie Chan, the ability to infiltrate enemy territory like James Bond, and the judgement of Jesus of Nazareth. We send this team after the bad guys with these instructions: Do what is necessary to protect us. Then, (here is the tough part) we would have to trust them. I don't want any congressional hearings or media exposes. I want to eat my metaphorical veal scallopini without having photographs of a slaughtered calf shoved under my nose.
I want the Superfriends to kick terrorist ass.

He wants to be your President.

Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is running for President. I don't know much about him, other than he organized the Salt Lake City Olympics and he seems to be somewhat impaired in the smarts department.

I swear this is true. In 1983, he loaded the presumably large Mormon family into the station wagon and set out from Boston on a 12 hour trip to Ontario. The Romney kids couldn't leave the family dog behind, so he packed Seamus the Irish Setter into his PetPorter....and strapped it to the roof of the car.

At some point during the trip, Russ, or one of the other Romney kids, noticed Seamus diarrhea running down the windows. Mitt pulled in to a service station, hosed down the car, (problem solved!) and headed for Canada.

Oh, he also used the incident to illustrate his "emotion free crisis management" in an interview with the Boston Globe.

I pray he doesn't have an Aunt Edna.

source

This would never happen in woodshop

Savannah Larson is 13 years old. After a solo at her final choir concert at Monticello Middle School in Longview, Washington, she approached the microphone and addressed the auditorium.
She said, " Oops, I totally forgot to thank my wonderful choir teacher Miss Noakes. She has taught me over the last two years, and she always knows the right thing to say in a bad situation, like, ' God Dammit, get your ass out in the hall, Why won't you fucking listen, and I don't care whether you learn or not, I get paid either way."
Savannah says she took the drastic step after complaints to the school about Noakes' potty mouth were, in her opinion, ignored.
Savannah was suspended for 10 days- the rest of the school year- and excluded from her 8th grade graduation ceremony. The teacher in question has been suspended as well, after a school district investigation revealed that Savannah wasn't making things up.

Who could have imagined a pair of balls this huge would be found on a thirteen year old choir girl?

article, article with video