Ingredients for spite.

On Sunday, while flipping through the newspaper inserts, I noticed that Safeway was having a sale on Coke products: buy two twelve packs, get two free, and get a free 24 pack of Dasani bottled water. Spencer hates to go the the store for just one or two things, but they also had Corona on sale for $11.99, and we were already going next-door to Joe's going-out-of-business non-sale, so he decided it would be okay to swing by Safeway.
We bought two twelve packs of Diet Coke with Lime (a harbinger of summer!) one twelve pack of Diet Coke, and one twelve pack of Fresca. We grabbed our beer and 24 pack of Dasani and headed for the checkout lane.
While the checker- I don't recall his name, but for now, I'll call him... oh, I don't know...Richard- was ringing up the order in front of us, we loaded our drinks onto the conveyor. Richard looked at us and barked, "Leave the water in the cart!". We did, but it doesn't make sense to me. Why? Is it because the weight of the water is too heavy for the conveyor? Surely, if the belt can handle 48 cans of pop -42 pounds of pop to be exact, it can handle 24 bottles of water. I am left to assume that Richard can't lift a 24 pack of water. Maybe he suffers from a crippling back injury, or carpal tunnel syndrome, which is common for grocery checkers. Or, maybe he's just not very strong, like a child. We'll never know, because I left the water in the cart.

Richard rung up our order as I keyed my phone number into the card reader. It didn't take long for Richard to finish, we only had the 7 items. I noticed that the total was much higher than I thought it should be. I examined the screen, and it appeared that I was charged full price for the water. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Um, did we grab the wrong kind of water? I thought it was free.
Dick: You didn't run your card yet.
Me: I sure did, you can see the "club savings" on the pop and beer.
Dick: Well, you can only get the water one time.
Me: I only want the water one time.
Dick: No...the free water deal is limit one.
Me: I only have one.
Dick: You must have used your card and got the water before.
Me: Nope.
Dick: Well, someone used your card and got the water.
It was at this point that I realized that Richard thought I was trying to pull a fast one on Safeway. He was sure I was some sort of flim-flam con artist, grifting free water from unsuspecting cashiers. He was not going to be hoodwinked.

Me: Look, I didn't use my card.
Dick: Well, someone typed in your number
Me: When? Where?
Dick: I don't know.
Me: Okay, look. How about you just punch in YOUR phone number, I get my water, and everyone is happy.
Dick: We can't do that.
Me: Right, because that would be some kind of club card fraud. Don't you ask for ID with club cards? What is Safeway doing to protect me?
I knew the last part was ridiculous, but I tend to get over-dramatic and sarcastic when I am pissed.

I told Dick how awful I thought the whole thing was, and that I did not want the water. I paid, and immediately wheeled the cart to customer service where I calmly (really) explained to the lady what happened. She suspected that someone had keyed in my club card number accidentally. She gave me the water. She told me that Safeway Customer Service could tell me when/where my card had been used.

On Monday I called customer service as soon as they opened. Guess what? No one had used my card since the last time I did two weeks ago. No one got free water with my card. It was just a computer error, and it has happened before. I asked if there was any way that the store could have known this, and the lady told me no. She took my information and told me she would contact the store.
Now it's Tuesday. I have my pop, I have my free water, someone listened to me complain. But I am still fired up, because Richard thought I was shifty.
I figure I have a couple options. I can never shop at Safeway again, which is a real possibility. Safeway is expensive and crowded, and I have many grocery store choices. This option would cost Safeway about $300 a year, and I really wouldn't get any satisfaction.
My other option is to use Safeway's silly customer service policies against them. I know that cashiers like Dick are required to "Thank by Name!" - they are required to look at your name as it prints out on your receipt and use it to thank you. They never pronounce my last name correctly. I could sign up for a club card using a pseudonym... either something unpronouncable, like "Bwitfarnilghy Czjkarzjchklyski" or something I would get satisfaction out of hearing them say, like "Gloria Stitz" or "Norma Snockers".
It could go either way at this point. Maybe I will only buy heavy things at Safeway, and make sure Richard is my checker.