The foot in my mouth

Last week I went camping near my friend Erica. We were on independent camping trips, but we were camped close to each other and we spent some time visiting and admiring each others' dogs.

One night I asked Erica why she hated children, which was my way of asking why she chose not to be a mom. In all honesty, I am not even sure she did choose not to be a mom. Anyway, she sorta answered me and I guess I was satisfied, but then, as I fell asleep that night I began to sober up, and I realized that I may have been very insensitive.
So the next day, I said, "Hey, I am sorry I grilled you about not having kids." I explained that what I should have said, what was in my heart, was that Erica is just so awesome and I think she should share who she is with another generation. She is artistic, funny, outrageous,independent and smart, and I think more children should be like Erica. I want my child to be like Erica.
Erica said she wasn't offended and I believe her. She has known me for a long time and she is used to what a tool I can be.
And we went rafting and we had fun.

But I got to thinking, Howcome no one ever walks up to women who clearly should NOT have had children and asks them about their decision to reproduce. No one says, "Why do you hate condoms?"

Karma Chameleon

Today, Spencer and Madison and I went to Hoodoo so that they could ride their dirtbikes. I sat in the sun.
Hoodoo is a butte in the central Cascades, about 2 hours from home. In the winter it is a ski area.
They rode for a while, but Madison was ready to go a little earlier than anticipated due to being pitched off her bike a couple times. We had some sandwiches and packed up.

I like many things about central oregon- the heat, the sky which seems bluer than in the Valley, the broad horizon. One thing I absolutely hate is the dust. And I really hate dusty feet.

So after we were on our way home, I asked if we could stop somewhere along the way so that I could dunk my feet into the South Santiam River or a lake. Spencer grumbled, but he found me a good spot where I could not only get my feet wet and clean, but keep them from getting dirty on the way back to the truck.
It was at this stop that he noticed that he had left our gas can at Hoodoo. It was a 5 gallon can, full of premium gas. He did the math- about 18 bucks worth of gas in a 10 dollar can. I told him I was game if he wanted to go back to the staging area, it would have been about a one hour drive. He kicked himself and we decided to just go home.
So we made it home an hour later, and he discovered that we had left his riding boots next to the gas can. Now, mathematically, it made sense to go back. But the boots and gas had been sitting out in the open for almost three hours- what were the chances they would still be there? Spencer, pissed off at himself, asked Madison and I to stay home while he went back for the boots and gas.
I immediately thought about my I am not a Paper Cup. What if it wasn't lost-lost? What if it's previous owner came back for it and found it missing?
Finders Keepers suddenly doesn't seem like such an awesome plan.

Spencer called about 20 minutes ago to let us know that he was on his way back home again, and that he had the gas and the boots. A family from Salem who were camped near the spot where we unloaded set them aside for him- near but distinctly separate from their gear. They told him they knew he'd be back.

The Results Show

We did our meeting on Friday, and we basically re-hashed what we already knew. She does have ovaries, one has six follicles, and they are working, but they are working as hard as they can and they don't seem to be making enough estrogen to get puberty off to the running start most girls get. Dr. Bondy recommended we wait another 6 months to a year to begin estrogen, and she thinks we can get Madison to 5'1".
We also found out that Madison has an aberrant subclavian artery, and we were told not to give it a second thought.
The cardiologists at the NIH felt that her aortic root was normal, not mildly dilated as we had thought before. This is good news.

Day 5, Even more out of the NIH

This morning Madison had her glucose tolerance test. As soon as that was over and she got to remove her blood pressure buddy, we headed out to DC.
Our first stop was the Smithsonian Castle, which is just the info center for all the Smithsonian museums. We picked up our new member welcome packet because they persuaded me to join at the Air and Space gift shop. The welcome packet is a map.
Then we headed to the Washington Monoment, where timed tickets for entry are free but limited. We arrived at about 1:00, the tickets were "sold out" at 7:30. So we stood back and admired the monument and headed to the White House.
The walk to the White House was long and hot. We stopped a few times to rest and we had a little bit of a breakdown, with Madison whining about the heat and me sick of hearing the whining. Eventually we got as close as we were able to get to the White House, and we took a picture or two before we heaed to the White House Visitor Center which is loceated in the nearby Commerce building.
The Visitor Center is actually quite nice, much more museum than gift shop. In fact, I don't recall that there were any souvenirs for sale at all. We watched a nice film and enjoyed the AC.
Then we walked a couple blocks back to the capitol mall. I should say that Washingon DC blocks are about three blocks long.
We had an asian dinner at the Smithsonian World Culture Festival, or something like that. Then we walked to the other side of the mall to the Museum of Natural History.
We saw the Hope diamond, which is nice, but it wasn't even close to the most impressive gem in the room. The gem and minerals exhibit was really neat. We also saw the Mammals exhibit, Early Civilizations, Human Ancestors where we got our pictures taken to see how we would look as Neandethals, Oceans, and Bones.
Then we went to the gift shop, because that is madison's favorite part- even though I told her that there wouldn't be souvenirs. She just likes to read the books, I think. Anyway, as we browsed, I saw on a table of jewelry and books a I am Not a Paper Cup, not in a box, a little dirty. I picked it uip and inspected it- no price tag on the bottom and although it was empty, I could tell it hadn't always been. This was a Lost Cup. But not for long. It is now a Found Cup.
Tomorrow we get the results of all her tests and the big picture. All her doctors will come to her room and we will have a big conference. We are considering going back to Washington, but it is sort of a hassle to leave the hospital and also, we are very, very sore.
I miss home and I am ready to be done here.

Day 4, mostly out of the NIH

This morning, Madison's space cadet nurse rushed in at 7:15 to remind us that she had an MRI at 8. It's a good thing she did, I would have slept right through it. We went to the cardiac MRI center. We walked past the "Mouse MRI" room and the "Animal MRI" room. The cardiac MRI took place in a different building than her abdominal MRI.
I stayed behind the lead wall with the radiologist and the tech. After about 30 minutes, another lady walked in our room and asked how much longer Madison's exam was going to be. Our tech told her about 10 minutes, and asked why.
"I need that coil for a pig".

Then she got fitted with her 24 hour blood pressure monitor, which is just a cuff attached to a small machine that she wears around her waist. It takes her blood pressure every half hour while she is awake and every hour wheile asleep.
She also went for an audiology exam today, where it was determined that she can't hear for shit, which I could have told them. She had pneumonia a couple weeks ago with a concommitant ear infection. In fact, she had a blister on one of her eardrums. She has finished her course of antibiotics, and although she is no longer complaining of pain, the blister remains. And sincer her ears are all jacked up, she is deaf as can be, but in a weird way. She can hear almost everything fine except background noise, and she talks very quietly. For example... we were standing about 20 feet from a fast moving train and she was talking to me in her regular voice and couldnt' understand why I couldn't hear her.
So when we get home we have to get her ears addressed.

But after that, we went to Washington DC! We rode the subway, which was exciting because everything moves so fast and no one wants to look like some Oregon rube who can't figure out the fare machine. But I was rubey.
We rode the Metro to the capital mall. I was surprised that the grass is splotchy and patchy, not lush and green. We went to the capital to take a tour. The walk was about 3/4 mile, and it was about 100 degrees and HUMID, so we were both hating life. In fact, by the time we got onto the capital grounds, I asked a golf cart driver to take us to the visitor's entrance. She had the machine on, she sorta looked disabled. Plus she's deaf.
Once we were delivered to the entrance, we had to go through security. Madison set off the metal detector with her monitor and was afraid she would have to take it off, but the guards were very nice about it. They weren't so nice about the empty water bottles I had in my bag. I had to take them outside and i was told to throw them away, in the trash. One of them was a giveaway from a radiology joint back home, but one was a pretty nice, new stainless one and I did not want to throw it away. So I asked a couple of guys in red Visitor Services vests if they wouldn't mind watching them if I jsut set them in the grass. They explained that the capitol police and the secret service frown on unattended stainless steel tubes and if I put them down the whole capital would have to close. They told me to put them in the special trash marked "water bottles" because that trash doesn't get empties as often, and maybe the bottles would be there when we got back.
So I did it. Then back through security I went. With scissors in my bag.
So out to the trash again.... this time I tried to balance my scissors on the edge of the can, under the outer box, so that I could maybe reach in and grab my scissors when we were done with the tour.
Then back through security I went.
I made it! And we were super lucky to catch the last tour of the day. We weren't able to see the House or Senate floors. Those areas are open to the public, but only with a pass issued by your member of congress, which can take up to 24 hours. Madison and I both enjoyed the tour quite a lot.
The we walked to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, where we saw all kinds of air and space artifacts. Madison bought souvenir Air Force wings. The museum was really impressive, we spent about 2 hours there and we only skimmed the surface.
Did you know all the Smithsonian museums are free? Pretty awesome, I think.

We also got some results today, Madison's bone density is not super, so more calcium and vitamin D for her.

Tomorrow is the last test, the glucose tolerance test. Then we will go back to Washington and see the White House visitors center, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and the Washington Monument.

Day 3 at the NIH

Last night I finally got some rest and today I feel much better about life in general. The staff all ask if we are staying at the hospital or at the Children's inn, and when I tell them we are staying here, they all look at me with such sympathy as they turn their eyes to the small sofa I have to sleep on. The truth is, it isn't too bad. Plus, I'm a good sleeper. I took a picture of it, I will try to post it when I get home.
Now then, onto the important news of the day.
Madison's day began with an ultrasound of her kidneys, liver and uterus. We already knew that she has two normal kidneys and that her liver looks good, but we have never had her uterus or ovaries imaged. Many girls with TS do not have ovaries, or have "streaks" of ovarian tissue.
Madison's ultrasound tech said that she saw two ovaries.
But. we don't know exactly what that means.
Her endocrinlogist came with some lab results. Her estrogen level is 61 and there is evidence that madison's pituitary gland is sending signals to her ovaries to produce more estrogen to start puberty, so I am led to believe that Madison's ovaries aren't working as well as they could be. We will have all the answers on Friday at our conference when we talk to Dr. Bondy.
We had a long visit with the dietician, because Madison's triglycerides are 220, they should be less than 150. Her LDL is 40and her HDL is 99, which are within normal limits although the HDL is on the high end of normal. We talked about adding more whole grains and vegetables and limiting refined sugars. Madison is excited to go fishing and catch dinner. One thing that made me happy was that the dietician recommended that Madison avoid "diet" foods in favor of naturally occuring foods that may be higher in sugar or fat.
We then had an occuaptional therapy eval, which was pretty quick since Madison seems to be pretty good at things like grooming and cooking and cleaning. Well, at least she is capable of being pretty good at those things...
Next was a nice visit with a vocational therapist who talked to Madison about friends, school, and possible future careers. She also told me that I was doing a good job letting Madison speak for herself and she thought we had a very nice relationship. It was nice to hear. She said I wasn't too hover-y.
The therapists asked a lot of questions and I will be interested to see their reports. They both said that they thought Madison was well-rounded, well-adjusted and didn't seem to have many of the problems that can be typical of TS.

Tomorrow, cardiac MRI and 24 hour BP monitoring begins. We will have an afternoon free so we may go into Washington DC, depending on what type of equipment 24 hour BP monitoring entails.

And today is the Feast of St Peter Fisher and St Thomas Moore.

NIH visit day 2- the longest day ever

Today the time change caught up with me or something. What a whirlwind day.
Before anything invasive happened, we had to meet the head of the study and sign consent forms. Dr. Bakalov showed up early, about 7:00.
Then the phlebotomists came and took 17 vials of Madison's blood. She had about 4 bites of her breakfast, and then our escort came to take us to her Dexa scan, which was a bit of a test of lying still for Madison. We returned to our room for about 20 minutes and then we were escorted to her first MRI, of her abdomen. The tech was really great- everyone here has been really great. Evfen though the MRI machine was really loud, Madison almost fell asleep wrapped in her heated blanket.
After the MRI, we returned to the room and ordered lunch. The pediatric endocrinologist, who is Madison's attending physician, came to meet us and do a thorough history and physical. She was delightful, her name was Dr. Emirick. Then we had a visit from Dr. Bondy, who thankfully just stopped to say hello and check in. She is Dr. Bakalov's partner in the study, and the nation's top Turner Syndrome researcher. We will have more time to visit with her later in the week.
Then the chaplain stopped by because I told the fellow at admissions that Madison is Catholic. Did you know today is the Feast of St. Eu.....something or other?
The next entry in the parade was the first cardiologist we met, who also did a complete h&p. She listened to Madison's lungs and heart and took four blood pressures, one in each extremity.
Then we were sent for an echocardiogram and EKG. We were supposed to get a bone age x-ray but we forgot so I guess we get to do that tomorrow, along with ultrasounds , occupational therapy and vocational therapy. I hope to know the difference between the two tomorrow.

Our trip to the NIH, day 1

This morning we left the house at about 5:45 to catch our flight from Portland to Chicago. This was Madison's first flight.
Everything at the airport went well, we got right through security even though I was packing scissors (the TSA website says it's okay) and Madison was bringing syringes aboard.
Our flight was packed. A pretty single girl sat next to us, she must have been drugged because she fell asleep almost right away. I felt bad that I had to disturb her twice to get up to pee.
Madison was really thrilled by the whole process of flight, and I enjoyed being a part of that. She said it was like "real-life Google Earth".
We had McDonald's at Chicago during our two hour layover.
Our flight from Chicago to Baltimore was delated a little, we sat on the runway while the crwe tried to figure out a ventialtion problem in the cockpit. I guess they got it squared away because we eventually took off, about 10 minutes late. It was a nice, short flight, and I was surprised to see wind farms in the hills.
We rushed to catch the shuttle to the NIH. We were the only passengers on a 15 passenger van.
I must say that what I've seen of New England is gorgeous. All the trees have leaves, and they are shorter than Northwest trees, but they are abundant.
Curiously, I only saw one Subaru on the freeway. Don't they have lesbians here?
We arrived at the hospital, and even though we were on the NIH shuttle, we had to disembark the bus at a security checkpoint. Guards boarded the bus and inspected, and looked underneath for bombs. We had to go through a metal detector and then they ran my name and ID through some computer. Made Madison and I wonder what kind of stuff goes on here....
At about 9 pm, we made our way to admitting and then finally to our room. It is a room for two patients but tonight we are all alone, and I have been told we won't have to share but I am not counting on it.
There is a little sofa for me to sleep on, Madison is really enjoying her adjustable hospital bed.
Tomorrow we have:
pregnancy test
Dexa Scan
MRI abdomen
Cardiology consult.... which to me is weird because she has a cardio MRI scheduled for Wednesday.
echocardiogram

Then I guess we have the afternoon free so maybe we will get to see some sights.

Things I learned this week- Spatchcocked edition

Today was the last day of soccer, hooray! Now our Saturdays are free for family birthday parties and ESA and Girl Scouts and Lord knows what else, but I don't have a free Saturday until the end of August.

Today I learned about spatchcocked chicken. Spatchcocking is a cooking method whereby the backbone is removed from the whole chicken and the remaining bird is flattened out like a book and roasted in about 45 minutes. I will try it on Wednesday and I intend to blog about it.

Tambu is over! I can think again!

I know I haven't blogged in a long long time, but that is because I haven't been able to sit for a half hour and concentrate on anything. Every time I would try, little things would pop into my head related to Tambu, and what I needed to be doing to prepare the girls. I have been making many lists.
It's over now, and it was amazing.

We left on Friday, it took my car and Katie's van to get us there. Next year, we will have to take a truck, but more on that later.
We arrived at about 6:00. The competing troops had been there since 4:30, setting up their campsites. Each site had a fairy tale theme. Each of the sites had a gateway which was lashed together and decorated according to their theme. The campsites were to be set up and abandoned for judging by Saturday at 9:00. They were judged on neatness, organization, use of knots and lashings, proper food and supply storage and use of theme. Because my troop was observing, we were allowed to tour the campsites with an experienced judge. It seemed like each site was as impressive as the next.
For the fire building competition, troops were given two cedar shakes when they checked in. On Friday night, girls shaved tinder and split kindling. On Saturday morning, they took turns starting a fire using only two matches. The fastest troop to burn through two strings stretched over the fire pit won.
There was an orienteering competition, which we did not see in progress. The girls did get some instruction which proved helpful and I am delighted that my daughter shows a particular aptitude for orienteering.
The first aid competition had two parts. In the first part, troops were presented with three emergency scenarios and asked to act out the first aid they would provide. In the second part, troops were given a stack of poles and some rope and tasked to make a carrier for an injured girl. The troop had to carry their girl about 30 yards, and they were timed and judged on their lashings.
The dutch oven cooking competition was the highlight of the event. Troops are given three hours to complete a meal in the presence of a judge who is evaluating their food safety, fire safety, presentation, teamwork, campsite, appearance of food and how their foods fit into their theme. (The Three Little Pigs troop served pigs in a blanket, the Dumbo troop fried elephant ears, and the Alice in Wonderland troop served heart-shaped tarts)
Here's the kicker: Troops were allowed one canned/ boxed ingredient. Everything else had to made from scratch, with NO at-home prep. No grated cheese, no salad dressing, no Worcestershire sauce, no pre-sliced or pre-washed veggies.
My troop joined with other training troops to cook their meal and since they weren't being judged, they got to use some more convenient ingredients. They prepared lasagna, meatless lasagna, enchilada casserole, green salad, biscuits and garlic bread. They learned to use dutch ovens and box ovens (one of which caught on fire) and how to manage a camp kitchen. My daughter volunteered to be our troop's dishwasher when our trainer explained that the dishwasher is responsible for the most points in the cooking competition. I was also really proud of her friend who was trained to be our "fire girl", the girl who manages the coals and the ovens. She was a real standout in the training.
The final competition was the Surprise Dessert. Each troop was given a grocery sack which contained 7 or 8 unlabeled Ziploc bags filled with ingredients. Every troop got the same ingredients, and although they were not required to use 100% of each ingredient, they did have to use them all and the only additional item they could add was water. This year the ingredients were flour, sugar, salt, baking soda,eggs, milk, lard and whole oranges.
I let my troop try this pretty much on their own. They identified the white powders on their own. I did tell them that it looked like those ingredients would make a cake type dessert, not a pudding or jello. One of my girls correctly guessed that the intended dessert was individual cakes in orange rinds, but the other girls quickly poo-poohed that idea. They made a eggy cake similar to a Finnish dish I know called pannukkakku with an orange "glaze" that in all seriousness was not that bad.
After competitions on Saturday we had a big "campfire" which was a strange name as we were in a lodge with no fire. Many troops did skits, mine included. We sang and cheered and then the awards were presented. Troops were divided into two categories, Novice and Advanced, and each competition had first, second and third place in each category, and there was also an overall competition so there were lots of ribbons handed out. My troop even got a green participation ribbon, which as far as my troop is concerned might as well be a trophy made of crystal and gold.

infinity m.p.g

I got a new bike. My first bike shop bike. I fell in love with it the minute I saw it. I got a ridiculous deal on it and I wonder if that is why I love it so much. Even if that's the reason, it's enough. I shopped around, I looked at 5 bike shops and considered two bikes from REI that I had yet to see in person.

This is my Christmas/ Anniversary/Mother's Day gift. I know that if I had left it to Spencer, he would have bought me a perfectly serviceable Schwinn from Costco or Fred Meyer, and really, that would have been fine if I had never set foot in just one of those bike shops- if I had never seen my bike.

It is a Viva brand bike. I am not sure where it was made, but Viva is a Danish company. They aren't really much in the US, in fact, mine got to Corvallis via a Canadian distributor. The owners manual is written in German, I think. Since they aren't sold much in the US, there aren't a lot of reviews online. I had to go with my gut. I guess I have a month to return it if my gut fooled me. But then again, I am no bike expert so I really wouldn't know if it isn't that great.
I know that on my test drive it was fun to ride. The thumb shifter is the coolest thing ever-since the gears are in the rear wheel hub, it is okay to shift at anytime, not just when in motion. And quiet! It is sort of a ninja bike.

I got a rack and two bags to go on the back, and I have a basket to go on the front if it is needed. I should be able to haul all sorts of groceries. I am going on a milk run first thing in the morning.

Vinegar. It really does work.

I'm sure everyone has seen internet posts or magazine articles about all the amazing things you can do with vinegar and/or baking soda. I've seen many, and discounted them all.

Until a couple days ago. My husband brought our trailer home to wash it. I went inside to clear out some closets and replenish supplies. I was really disappointed to find that 4 shirts I had left in my closet were wet and moldy.
Our trailer is not old and it shouldn't leak, but that's my husband's problem, which I am certain he will take care of. My problem is that I really liked those shirts and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get the mold out. They all smelled terrible, and three of them had actual green fuzzy mold... but thankfully I guess, no black mildew. I last saw them dry a month ago.

So I googled: "How to remove mold from laundry" and the first answer I got was to add 3/4 cup of vinegar to the washload, and keep doing that until the mold smell was gone.
I tried it, and was amazed that it worked in one load. Who knows, maybe the detergent alone would have done it... but I would like to think I used a special trick.

A Craigslist fairy godmother, sorta.

Sometime in the near future, I am going to have 50 seedlings that need to be planted. Since a traditional garden is incompatible with my big dogs, I have turned to container gardening. Last year I successfully grew tomatoes and basil on my patio.
I was thinking that I ought to buy some more containers to plant my seedlings in. Since pots are spendy and I need many, I thought I would check Craigslist before Home Depot.
I typed "planters" in the search box, and I got one good result.
The ad, which had two photos, was for several large planters including three half-barrels, as well as potting soil, three hummingbird feeders, and some hand tools "and whatever else I can find."
The price was right, so I called her up and made arrangements to pick up the planters.

When I arrived at her home, she said, "This is your lucky day." and pointed to two boxes on her living room floor. She told me that she had given up cooking, so there were cooking utensils (Score! I needed to buy utensils, measuring cups, etc., for the girl scouts!) and some weird candles which ordinarily would bring forth a "no thank you" groan, but I have been asked to save wax for girl scouts, too.
And three brand new, nice hummingbird feeders and two bottles of nectar and some packages of nectar mix.
I grew up with hummingbirds, my mom and stepdad have quite the hummingbird feeding operation at their home. The hummingbirds come to feed, 10 or more at a time, sometimes draining a feeder in an hour. In the mornings, if the feeder is being cleaned they will lightly tap on the window with their beaks to speed up the process. I think my parents have three or four feeders now so that the birds always have access to nectar. Since the birds have come to depend on the feeders, my parents have to think carefully about going out of town.
I've only seen one or two hummingbirds at my house, but I do enjoy them, so I hung up one feeder close to a red rhododendron that is about to bloom. We'll see how it goes.
The box also contained garden gloves, a couple hand tools, a water bottle, a book on rose care, a string of black "pearls" and a pair of earrings- all in new condition. The strangest thing, ever. Her house was clean and tidy and she seemed normal.
I wondered if she was some sort of Robin Hood shoplifter.

The lady also asked if I had a daughter. How did she know? She asked if my daughter would like 5 or 6 cards of metal hair barrettes, the kind that sorta look like paper clips. They were brand-new and we are in the height of growing-out-your-bangs. Barrettes are like gold.
"Here is a set of hot rollers I bought right before I cut my hair." At this point she is no longer offering things, she is just telling me what I am to take. I worry a little about my borderline hoarding tendencies.
She handed me the box pictured above, which as you can see contains a watering can, a sprayer, an unopened bottle of vegetable oil, epsom salt, baking soda and brand-new vinegar. She reached into that box and pulled out a recipe that she had written on half of an envelope for an all-natural bug deterrent.
add to one gallon water:
1t. Ivory Soap
1T baking soda
1T white vinegar
1T vegetable oil

spray on leaves am or pm.

I'll try it. Every time I squirt it on, I will think of that lady.

seeds of doubt

Yesterday I planted some seeds : two varieties of tomato, catnip, lavender, Italian parlsey and basil. I will have to do all of my gardening in containers so I tried to pick things that have done well for me in the past in pots on the patio.
This is the first year I have started from seed, though. Usually I buy a mostly-grown plant at the farmers market and take the credit for growing it myself.
One packet of tomato seeds contains 50 seeds. I can't help but wonder why. Who would use 50 seeds? I figure people either need 4 or 5 for a family, or 50 bazillion for a farm.
I was reminded of the first year Spencer and I ever tried a garden. I left the planting up to him. He planted an entire packet of zucchini seeds in a row about 50 yards long. He was so proud of his nice mounds, evenly spaced. He must have worked on that row for most of an afternoon. three or four months later the smell of thousands of gourds rotting on the vine was overwhelming.

A mindbump to get things going again

After my long weekend off, I found myself at a loss for things to blog about, so I returned to mindbump.com, where I got this prompt.

suggested by Spelling Search

"If tomorrow morning you woke up ten years younger, what would be the first thing that you would do?"

Is it terrible that I wouldn't quit smoking? That when I think of myself 10 years ago, I fondly remember being a thin smoker?

I would get my daughter's Turner Syndrome diagnosis right away so that she could start growth hormone treatment as soon as possible.

I would enjoy my big dog-free back yard... maybe plant a garden.

I would pick a major and go back to college.

What would you do?

Sorry, We are closed

I am going to ESA convention this weekend, be back Monday.

a thoughtful tip

This may well be one of those things that I discovered late in life, only to learn later that everyone else already knew about it, but: BUY BODY GLIDE.

I have a new pair of shoes, and they may be the finest shoes I have ever owned. They are all leather, even the sole. They are just pretty basic black sandals with a kitten heel. I plan on wearing them all weekend.
I wore them to work today to see if I would get blisters, and I indeed did begin to feel the sides of feet begin to sting where the strap rubbed. So I googled, and I learned about Body Glide, which has the most convincing Amazon reviews I have ever seen for a single product, including the three wolf shirt. Google also suggested vaseline, but there is no way I am going to get these new shoes all goopy.
So I called my local sporting goods store and got to ask if they had Body Glide, which was fun. The guy knew what I was talking about, thank goodness. An hour and 8 bucks later I walked out ready to lube my feet.
I applied it to my feet and went for a little stroll once it had dried. Amazingly, the tingle was gone. The shoes weren't stained at all.
Hooray for Body Glide!

A tax day miracle

Tonight my brother in law came over so that I could show him how to do his taxes. He is a full-time student who also works part time at a fast food restaurant.

He also is a miracle worker, because he can survive on less than $8200 a year. I can't even imagine how he does it. He has a cell phone and I assume he pays rent, he moved in with his girlfriend and her roommate. (He is getting his own place, a rented room, next month)

Here is the kicker. His tuition for half of last year was over 4 grand. Fortunately for him he does have some savings in trust that he uses to pay his tuition, but only tuition. I know because he didn't have a 1099 for any interest income.

How is that even possible? How can a person live a relatively normal lifestyle on 700 bucks a month? I can't wrap my head around it. He wears clothing and gets haircuts and
eats, although he admitted he eats mostly cereal.

I told him to go get some food stamps.

8 things I learned today about the Westboro Baptist Church

Here is an interesting article from 2006 about Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church. The WBC is infamous for its nauseating protests at funerals and their delightful "God Hates Fags" signs. Their most recent protest was at funerals of miners killed in West Virginia. The WBC contends that God smote the mine because West Virginia is tolerant of homosexuals. Here's what I took away from the article:


1. The church is made up of about 75 people, and about 80 percent of the congregation is directly related to Fred Phelps. (that means 60) (I always thought it was a big church)

2. Phelps has 15 children, 10 of whom are lawyers.

3. Phelps himself is an attorney. He has been disbarred.

4. Phelps says that the fact that he is almost universally despised pleases him, as he believes it is proof that he is saved from damnation.

5. He does not try to save others, he thinks God has already made up His mind about who is to be saved and who is to be damned. According to Phelps, most of us are literally God-damned.

6. He makes money for his church, which funds the protests, by winning 1st amendment lawsuits. Surprisingly, the church doesn't collect any donations.

7. He was an early supporter of civil rights, but later protested Coretta Scott King's funeral. He left the movement when "the fags" took over.

8. He looks forward to states passing laws that would restrict protests at funerals so that he can challenge them on constitutional grounds, all the way to the Supreme Court.

Things I learned this week- photoless edition

I'm still working on the camera-computer connection. When I say "working on", I mean I haven't found a solution yet and I am procrastinating.

I did learn something a couple weeks ago that I forgot to blog about, and then I promptly forgot what it was that I learned. I learned that there is a term for the period after you eat, post- "___" , and it is not uncommon to get post-________ chills. I'm hoping my friend Erica the nurse will chime in here. (if I remember correctly, it sounds like parietal, but I know that's not right.)

This week, I learned three things about Stouffer's lasagna.
1. Don't buy it again
2. It takes hours to cook
3. It tastes EXACTLY like Spaghetti-Os.

I learned how to make a better A chord, with my index finger on the middle string. It makes it easier to switch between A and E, and theoretically D, but I have not mastered the D chord yet and so I am making it a mission to find songs to play that don't use it.

You should see The House Bunny.

We aren't big movie watchers. We typically wait for highly-anticipated movies to come out on DVD, and we catch lesser anticipated movies when they come to cable.

I am shocked to admit that the funniest movie I have seen in a while is The House Bunny, which is on Encore this month. And it's all because if Anna Faris.

Anna Faris's Shelley is an orphan who spent her formative years at the Playboy mansion. When she finds herself out on the street due to her advancing age, 27- which is like 59 in bunny years- She spends a few nights in her car before she stumbles onto a college campus and eventually gets herself a gig as a house mother for a struggling sororoity, Zeta. Shelley turns Zeta around and there is a happy ending. It's a typical fish out of water story, only the fish is hilarious.

The House Bunny is as good as Clueless and Legally Blonde. In fact, it was written by the Legally Blonde screenwriters. You won't learn anything, except maybe to never, ever stand over a steamy manhole cover a'la Marilyn Monroe. Those things are hot. But you will laugh.

Ptomaine Wednesday: Strudel edition

On Sunday, I cooked a rather tasty ham from Trader Joe's. It was an uncured glazed ham, and it was delicious. This morning I typed "Leftover ham recipe" into my google bar and this recipe for ham strudel is what I came up with.

This was the first time I have ever used phyllo dough. It was easy to work with, flaky and tasty as promised.

The strudel turned out really good. My husband insited on calling it fricasse and/ or strussel.

I took a picture, but I am still having difficulties getting the photos out of the camera and onto the computer. It looks just like the photo in the recipe.

We all need a little grid.

This guy inspired be, right up to the part about the composting toilet and the closed loop. That's going too far, man.

War is Hell.

This morning my radio woke me up with a story about this video. If you are my daughter, don't click that link. In fact, if you're my daughter, stop here.

It's a link to a video titled "Collateral Murder" released by an organization called Wiki Leak, an anonymous whistle-blower shelter.

The video is from an Apache helicopter flying over Baghdad in 2007. I don't know proper military jargon, but what I see is that the guys in the helicopter find a group of guys on the ground. The guys on the ground have things in their hands and slung over their shoulders. The helicopter guys, according to the Pentagon, had received reports of insurgent activity in the area. The provided audio suggests that the guys in the helicopter believed that the guys on the ground had weapons, and so they fired on them.

Two of the guys on the ground were Reuters reporters, and the things in their hands and slung over their shoulders were cameras.

It is terrible, terrible that anyone should be killed in war. Journalists risk their lives when they cover war, and I am sure that these two knew what they were getting into, I am sure they were aware that their lives were at risk just by being where they were when thy were there. It is unfortunate that they dies but almost understandable.

Except.

One of the Reuters guys didn't die right away, and the guys in the helicopter could see him trying to crawl to safety. They wanted very badly for him to make a move as if he were drawing a weapon so that they could justify another shot. You can hear that. He did not make such a move, but a van pulled up to help the man. Two adult men got out of the van and took the photographer by his wrists and ankles and tried to load him into the van. According to the Pentagon, insurgents will try to collect the wounded, so the helicopter guys opened fire on the van. Which contained 3 more adults and two children.

When ground troops arrived, two soldiers grabbed the wounded children and asked for them to be evacuatued to a US hospital, but those requests were denied. The children were turned over to the Iraqi police for transport to an Iraqi hospital, where the standard of care, according to the video, is lower. A US soldier is heard saying "It's their own faulkt for bringing their kids into battle."

Also one of our tanks runs over a dead Iraqi. And some soldiers laugh about it.

So that's all pretty disgusting, but I guess that's what happens in war and why I should be thankful that I am shielded from it. After watching 17 minutes of video, I almost don't blame our soldiers for their cavalier attitude about what they do; I think that they must have that kind of attitude to cope. How else could they do the things they are asked to do?

But here is what pisses me off: We have the technology to kill people from far, far away. I noticed in the video that the people on the ground weren't bothered at all by the helicopter overhead, and the helicopter wasn't making any wind. I know from experience that it is very windy when a helicopter is overhead, even pretty far up. So I wondered how high up this helicopter was flying.
So I googled it.
That's a pretty high-tech helicopter.
Why don't we have the technology to tell the difference between a camera and a machine gun?

My fashion dilemma

In a couple weeks, I'll be going to an ESA convention where I will need to wear a formal dress. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Because I have to wear a formal dress that is 1. floor-length and 2. Pastel, but not sage green. These are the rules. Every year, someone gets to dictate the dress code for officer installation.
The problem is that floor-length dresses come in three varieties: 1. Bridesmaid 2. Prom 3. Mother-of-the bride.

Last year, I went the prom route. (I had a 'jewel-tone' directive) The dress looked pretty but it was obviously a prom dress and I worried about looking like one of those women who refuses to dress appropriately for her age. So earlier this year at an ESA function, one of the ladies told me that a bridal store down the street put some of their mother-of-the-bride dresses on sale for $50. My friend and I went to check it out. Among the chiffon pallazzo pant suits and beaded muumuus, there were a few tasteful dresses. I found a pink chiffon dress with a rouched bodice and cap sleeves that my friend swore to me did not look too matronly. I tried it on and it was big in the waist, but the salesgirl clipped it together in the back with a clothespin and told me that with alterations, it would be lovely. So I bought it. I told myself it was age-appropriate and it would never be confused for a prom dress.

Last weekend I realized that I have less than three weeks to get ready for convention. I called a seamstress that my friend recomnded but the seamstress had retired.

And so I googled around for a tailor in my area. I tried my dress on again, and although I am doing all I can to expand my waist, it still didn't fit.
Since my new dress was hanging right next to last year's dress, I was reminded that I should take last year's dress to the consignment store. The ladies at the consignemnt store would know of a good tailor!
I packed up both dresses and a pair of high heels and headed to the store. I told myself that the heels were because the tailor was going to want me to try on my pink dress with shoes so that she could make her markings.
I walked into the store carrying the red dress, which I put on consignment. I asked about a tailor. The shop girl told me about the tailor they use, but I couldn't really pay attention to her because in the back of the store on a headless mannequin there was the most gorgeous dress I have ever laid eyes on in person. Strapless, hand-beaded bodice with a gorgeous chiffon skirt, and pink. I was told it was a size 8.
This is an expensive dress, I told myself, so it's possible that it's an expensive 8, which is really a 10. I tried it on, but only half of me fit into it.
But.
There was another dress, a prom dress, brand-new, floor length and pink. And so I tried it on (lucky I had those shoes!) and eventually bought it. I have no idea how much dress alterations cost, but in that dressing room I conviced myself that alterations on the first dress would probably cost almost as much as this second dress, which made my boobs look good.
And so I brought the first pink dress into the store to put it on consignment, and the shop girl said it should probably go to their sister store for mature women since it is such a beautiful mother of the bride dress. I dont know if she did it on purpose, but the instant she said that any trace of buyer's remorse I had instantly vanished.

So now I have a perfectly lovely prom dress to wear, which would be fine, except that I am 37 years old. I'm too old for prom dresses and too young for mother of the bride dresses.

I found plenty of truly age appropriate dresses but they were all the wrong length, oh, and black, because I am an adult.

A new mission

Imagine if you will a photograph of a dusty guitar. A clever blog lady has drawn an unhappy face onto the shoulder of the guitar, using her finger to remove the dust in true dirty-car- "WASH ME!!" fashion. That is the photo you should be seeing here, but the batteries in my camera are dead.

The point is that my guitar has been doing nothing but collecting dust for over a year. Yesterday I couldn't stand it anymore, so I picked it up and strummed a bit, and recognized that it was out of tune. I tuned it, and googled around looking for online lessons, and I found this site: www.justinguitar.com.
Justin seems like a nice guy, his lessons are provided on a donation basis, and he seems to know what he is doing. I watched a few of the first lessons and he said many of the same things that my old guitar teacher said. But Justin is way cuter.

Justin reminded me how to make a D chord, and so I lined up my fingers carefully on the frets and plucked out the four notes, adjusting my left fingertips until they each rang clear, then I finally strummed a nice pretty D.

The flesh on my fingertips could take about 10 minutes, then I had to rest. I trimmed my fingernails and I am ready to tackle an A tonight.

Madison has to practice her clarinet 120 minutes a week, and I figure if I practice guitar while she practices her clarinet, I should get fairly good again.

Eight reasons this is harder than it looks.

Yeah so I haven't been keeping up daily. I try really hard not to make my blog a "Here's my to-do list" or "wanna read my diary?" and some days I can only think about what I have to do and what I haven't done yet and it's difficult to be interesting. Here are my eight whiny reasons why this is hard, then I'll get over myself and back to business.

8. I'm not that interesting. I do many of the same things over and over. I figure that readers don't want to read the same things over and over.

7. I'm not anonymous. My blog could be much funnier if there was no way to trace it back to me.

6. It's that time of the month and my stomach fucking hurts.

5. The batteries in my camera are dead a lot.

4. my back hurts, too.

3. I forgot to bring a Diet Coke in my lunch today. First time ever, I think. How can I blog without my daily carmel color?

2. There was a big earthquake

1. Ever hear of a little thing called Lent?

I did it! sorta.

One year ago, I made a commitment to blog every day. I haven't been perfect, but it's been a year.
I didn't improve my writing skills- in fact they may be worsening.
I'm going to keep going, I have a habit now and my mom worries if I don't blog.

Ptomaine Wednesday- Baked eggs edition

This week, instead of looking through Rachael's cookbook to make my weekly grocery list, I flipped through a couple issues of Everyday Food, which I subscribe to but rarely use. I used the newest issue which focused on cheap eats and an issue from last fall which featured comfort foods.

I selected a Greek meal, pork slouvaki and Greek salad, which I made last night. It was good, everyone agreed. I thought we would need another side dish so I made Rachael's orzo with parsley and lemon zest. I chose orzo because it counds like ouzo, which is Greek. That meal turned out fine. I didn't take a picture, but here is a picture of the Greek lunch I had Saturday and the things that looked like buttholes.
As for tonight.
I chose a recipe that is really a departure from what I normally cook or my family really eats. It is: baked eggs and tortillas in creamy tomato sauce, which is a casserole. I chose this recipe because it calls for many things that I already have on hand, including half a bag of corn tortillas.
It's meatless, which automatically qualifies it as suspicious in my husband's and daughter's minds.

The dish is a layered casserole- the bottom layer is a creamy spicy tomato sauce, then a layer of corn tortilla strips, then tomato sauce, then you crack 8 eggs onto the top, sprinkle on some cheddar and bake. Sounds simple enough, right? Well leave it to me to complicate things.

I sliced my 8 corn tortillas into 1/2 inch strips as the resipe directed. The recipe called for the strips to be layered evenly on top of the first tomato sauce layer, but I read it as : lay the tortilla strips in a single layer over the tomato sauce. So I did, which only used about 1/3 of my strips.
I continued to assemble the casserole, and only broke 3 of the 8 egg yolks.

I got it in the oven, and as soon as I closed the oven door, I started fretting about the leftover ortilaa strips. I considered freesing them for tortilla soup.
Then, I got to thinking about what I had in the oven. It was basically a 9 x 13 pan with tomato soup and a few tortilla strips topped with eggs. I realized that a EVEN layer is not the same as a SINGLE layer, so, in order to give my casserole some substance, I removed the pan from the oven and considered my options.

In the end, I decided to delaminate my casserole. I scooped the eggs off the top and transferred them into a bowl, and although they were now mixed with the cheddar, I don't think I broke any more yolks. After that, I scraped off the second layer of tomato sauce and added the remaining tortilla strips in an even layer. I put Humpty together again and set it back to bake.

25 minutes later the moment of truth arrived. My creation was met with a resounding "Meh."
__________

And just for fun, here are some pictures of things I have mentioned this week.
Here is the fort that Madison commandeered last week.
And my crochet bag is nearly finished, I just need to trim thread and work in ends.

Fat Tuesday

I can't think of anything else to blog about today, so I guess it is confession time. I haven't burdened the wiiFit in a couple months. I also discovered Tillamook Wild Mountain Blackberry ice cream which isn't going to help matters.

I was reminded this past weekend that I committed to running a 10k in the fall, so that means that soon I will have to hit the pavement so as not to embarrass myself. But it is too cold and wet out there to do anything now.

Hiatus Off!

I took an unintentional blogging break. I spent the first part of my break at my parents' house, then we went camping in Newport for a few days, and then I just couldn't get back in the groove. Now that I am back to work- real life, I guess you could say- It doesn't seem like such a chore to sit down and put a thought together.

I've also been faced with an impending computer snafu. My trusty computer has (I think) a failing power supply unit- the fan runs a lot, it cycles on and off and gets pretty loud, and occasionally the computer just takes a little break, especially if it has been running programs with a lot of animation, like Webkinz.

Fortunately, my father gave me his computer, which is the very same model as mine, we bought them together. So now I have a computer to set up in my daughter's room. But which one? Since I use my computer (really) for work, it's critical that it work, all the time, so I should get the new one. (Did I mention that Dad's computer still has the fresh-from-the factory pop ups? It's practically mint-in-the box) So I am left with the tasks of transferring files and/or setting up a home network so that I can share files and frankly, and replacing the power supply in the old computer and the thought of all that exhausts me. So I have been avoiding the computer. I think I will do it Wednesday.

I also met my friends Heather and Erica at the Portland Saturday market for some girl time, which was nice, and much-needed. We found a lady that makes wrap skirts from old jeans and trousers, and I think I am going to try to copy her. You know, in my spare time. We had delicious Greek food at Alexis. Erica and I ordered the combination plate which was mighty tasty, even the dish that looked like buttholes. I have photos, but they might have to wait until Wednesday.

Ptomaine Wednesday- Milk Bone edition

Last week I roasted a chicken and I am kinda proud of how far I stretched that bird. We ate roast chicken one night and had chicken casserole the next. The next day I boiled the meat off the bones and those small pieces are in the freezer and I will use them to make chicken salad sandwiches. I got four jars of stock- two 8 ounce jars and two quart jars. With the fat that I skimmed off the stock, I made dog treats for Tina using this recipe, which I have used before. Previously, I have used bacon grease as called for, but this time I didn't have any so I used chicken fat instead. The treats turned out really well, Tina thinks they are better than usual. They smelled great as they were baking, and Madison even tried one and gave them her seal of approval.

8 things we saw at the circus

On Monday, we went to the circus. The Jordan Family Circus to be exact. The Jordan Family Circus is the type of small circus that gives away coupons for children's admission so that mom and dad can buy tickets for themselves and hopefully some cotton candy and other circus must-haves. Madison won her first radio contest, sort of, on Friday to get the tickets. The sixth caller was to be awarded a family pass. Even though Madison wasn't the sixth caller, the station gave her a pass because they had a few.
It was sort of ironic- Spencer and I were planning on suprising her with a trip to the circus, since she has never seen a circus (and it turns out that Spencer hadn't, either) but when Madison heard that she could win tickets, she got really excited about going and gave the pass to her dad for his birthday on Sunday.
Our pass was for two adults and three kids, so we borrowed half of my friend's four daughters and we were off to the fairgrounds.
The Jordan Family circus is small- all three rings fit into a small county fair horse arena. We arrived about 20 minutes before show time, and we immediately noticed that all the vendors- cotton candy, soda, toys- were heavily made-up and we wondered if they were performers.
20 minutes later we got our answer, as the vendors disappeared from the snack stands and reappeared, sequined and bejeweled, bearing hula hoops and juggling daggers.

*We saw an upside-down basketball spinner.
*We saw pink dancing poodles.
*We saw feats of balance
*and fire being juggled.*We saw a group of Lady GaGaesque aerialists with light sabers.* And intermediate hula-hoopers.*I saw some troubling structural reinforcement:But I guess it was working.And we saw tigers, which everyone agreed was the best part. They were the first act.

Things I learned this week- Supermodel edition

On Saturday, Madison and I went to Pioneer Park in Corvallis to meet Ray from Old Moon Photography. A week or so ago, I answered Ray's ad on Craigslist- she was willing to trade her time and photography skills in order to build her portfolio.
I have to be honest, I wasn't expecting much. The reasons I agreed to do it were because 1. I will sign up for anything, 2. There aren't many photos of my daughter and I together as I am the designated family photographer, and 3. Madison needs practice being in front of a camera.
When I told Madison that I had arranged the photo session with Ray, she was less than thrilled. "I ruin every picture I am in." she said, and challenged me to describe a good photo of her, which I did. While I object wholly to the notion that she ruins photographs, I do have concerns about the way in which she contorts her face when she is aware she is being photographed. Rather than call to mind an amusing thought which may bring upon a smile, Madison focuses on her facial muscles, contracting them so that the corners of her mouth turn up into a crescent. The result is a grimace, and it isn't attractive. This causes some frustration on my part which eventually leads to frustration on her part.
Which leads me to Saturday.
Ray was prompt, charming and unassuming. She walked us around the park and pointed to areas where we could stand, sit, jump, crouch. We chatted a bit- she is studying cancer biology and grew up in the UK, which really impressed my Anglophile daughter. She has been in the US for only 3 years, and her accent is almost undetectable. She did call something "brilliant" which impressed Madison. About halfway through the photo session which madison had been dreading, she whispered to me, "This is so fun!" And it was.
Ray posted some preview shots on her blog, and she is mailing me a DVD of edited images. It's okay with me if none of the ones turn out any better than the ones I have seen, because the best part of the whole thing was having a good morning with my kid.

So, here's what I learned this week:

I learned that there is a new consignment store coming to Albany, which pleases me. I took her some things.

I learned that 1% of things that we buy are still in use 6 months later. This comes from the video "The story of stuff" which has a great message buried in some propaganda... and it makes me wonder if that figure is true. I suppose it probably is if you count gasoline and groceries.

I learned that Madison and I will be going to the (radio announcer voice)National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland in June so that she can participate in a Turner Syndrome research study. We will have some evenings free, so we are excited about seeing some sights.

I learned that Starbuck's mocha powder is the key to a fantastic mocha.

Some folks make a good living drawing these kinds of pictures.

I love it when parents share the artwork that their kids produce. My friend April has shared some really inspirational drawings that her kids made. I thought I would share what my kid can do.
She has recently started drawing "Thumbthings", little characters that are thumbs. The thumbs have different personalities, which are expressed through their thumb clothes and thumb expressions. Here are some thumbthings.

Here, a banker, a robber, and a cowboy.

a woman with a beehive and a smartass guy.

At first, her father and I didn't point out the obvious. but the Thumbthings kept coming and coming, and eventually she was going to put one in a hardhat, so we had to tell her that her thumbthings, although very cute, look like wieners.

She was pretty embarrassed, but how was she supposed to know, right? She's never seen a wiener.

But, she has seen poo. Which is why we couldn't believe that THIS is what she turned in for a science project. The assignment was to make up an animal and give it a latin name based on its characteristics. Here is Madison's Lizardus Harja (hairy lizard)

Howdy-ho!

Thoughtful Thursday- bald kids edition

On Monday or Tuesday, one of my friends posted a link on his facebook page to a fundraising website for the St. Baldrick's foundation, a private foundation that funds research grants for childhood cancers. Since I have a neice who is currently alive thanks to clinical trials and research medications, my interest was piqued.

So today I donated twenty bucks to his kid's cause. He is trying to raise 1000 dollars for the foundation, and he will shave his head on the 17th as a show of solidarity with the kids who lose their hair during chemo.

St. Baldrick's

Ptomaine Wednesday- Lemon Curd

This evening, we had leftovers for dinner because, well, we had to eat them. Spencer had corned beef, Madison had salmon, and I had a little dish called Epic Casserole, which is chicken, rice, red peppers and cheese. And it's not epic.

The new recipe I tried to day was this one for lemon curd, a new-and-improved method for cooking the curd so that it doesn't... curdle? I guess I don't understand the problem, since this is my first ever attempt at lemon curd, but apparently if you make it the old fashioned way, little bits of egg white cook at a lower temperature than the sugar and your lemon curd gets little bit of cooked egg white in it which have to be spooned out.

I did not have that problem. I creamed the butter and sugar and eggs and (oops) lemon juice all at once, even though the recipe says to add the lemon juice last. I guess it doesn't matter. My mixture was by no means creamy, but it worked. This recipe is easy, I had no problems at all with it. It took 4 lemons to get 2/3 cup of juice... but I didn't squeeze very hard.

The lemon curd is fantastic, and it is delicious on girl scout trefoil cookies.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

I do have a lot to write about, but I haven't had the time nor energy to do it, my dad came to visit. I love my dad, don't get me wrong. He's generous and funny and smart and pleasant. He is high-maintenance, however... but I will get to that.

First, I need to admit to a couple problems I have. One is that I will pretty much sign up for anything, and the other is that when I am bored I browse Craigslist looking for good deals and interesting things. Last week, I got bored.

I signed up to be a soup taster for the Oregon State University sensory research lab. A soup taster is basically a consumer panelist. I can go in and tase soup (or other foods), give my opinion, and be compensated with gift certificates for local businesses. I got my first test notification, it is for ice cream and sorbet, but I can't do it because of work.

I read an announcement in the newspaper that a new agency had taken over management of the coffee service at Albany's I5 rest areas, and they were looking for organizations to serve coffee. I went to the meeting to get more information for the ESA ladies. I was saddened that there were about 4 people there who thought they could be hired as some sort of rest area barista, I guess, and another handful who came thinking that they could bring their own coffee trailer and sell coffee- they were looking at this as a business opportunity.

I answered another ad on Craiglsist. The US Census is hiring enumerators- the people who go door-to-door and get answers from people who don't return their census forms in the mail. They pay $15.25 per hour, plus mileage, for 5 to 10 weeks, 20 to 40 hours per week.
This could help pay for braces, so I signed up and took the test today. I think I did well on the test, but there were at least three veterans in the group of 10 test-takers, and they get preference, I think. So we will see.

I also bought a sectional, (found a deal on Craigslist!) (I didn't act completely on impulse, I have been in the market) which smells slightly of marijuana, and I don't find it all that unpleasant. I mean I do a lot of napping and eating Doritos on the couch already.

Oh, yeah, my dad.
He arrived on Saturday, and we headed to Costco to buy dinner. We stopped by the cell phone kiosk, and the salesgirl talked him into upgrading to a Samsung EnV, which is web enabled. He bought the phone, got it activated, and then started asking questions about how to use the mobile web. Since I knew that I was going to be his personal tech support, I put the brakes on that teeny, tiny phone with its miniature qwerty keyboard and miniature screen. I told him that if he wanted a web-enabled phone, he should get a smartphone. He agreed, and returned the EnV and bought an android phone, but not a Droid. I forget what the model name was, so we'll call it the droid. We got that phone home before he decided it wasn't quite right- too complicated. So the next day, back to Costco we go, he returned the droid and bought a run of the mill phone and a netbook, which he figures he can use for email and whatnot. He thinks he can save the monthly data plan charges by using the free wifi at Starbucks, which is true.
So we take the netbook to Starbucks... but. You can't just sit down at Starbucks and hook up to the wifi. You have to have a Starbucks card. Guess what? He has one! It has to be registered. Guess what? His is. Oh, and you need to know your password. Well, there's the stumper. No worries, we will call customer service. When they open on Monday.

Thoughtful Thursday: Sometimes it's what I don't do that is thoughful.

Every Thursday morning, I begin my day by thinking that I must try, really try to be thoughtful.
The best I could do today was this:

When I got to work, I exited my car and headed for the back door to the office. Another woman was in the covered parking area at the same time as me, walking to her office. She was a woman about my age. Maybe it was her first time wearing high heels, or perhaps she was wearing genuine clogs from Holland, I don't know, I couldn't see her feet. I do know that she sounded EXACTLY like a shod horse as she clippity-clopped along. And the thoughtful thing I did was to refrain from whinnying at her. It was a struggle.

Ptomaine Wednesday - punt edition

I knew as early as Monday that I was going to have a difficult time with Ptomaine Wednesday this week, because I haven't got the slightest desire to go to the grocery store.

Three o'clock this afternoon rolled around, and I had a pound of ground beef and no plan. My husband loves meatloaf, but meatloaf isn't quite in the spirit of trying new things, now is it?
I decided a fair compromise would be to make an experimental side dish. My first order of business was to get the meatloaf into the oven. Since I had bulgur wheat leftover from a tabuleh recipe I tried, I added about 1/4 cup, in an effort to give my meatloaf a healthy bit of goodness. I also had some spaghetti sauce leftover, so I mixed that in isntead of ketchup or worschestire sauce, both of which I can live without. I got the loaf in to bake and began thumbing through the index of Rachael's cookbook, looking for a side rich recipe for which I had all the ingredients.

The only one i found was lemon rice pilaf, which looked good. The recipe called for a cup and a half of rice, so I got that cooking right away. It came to a boil, I set the timer to 20 minutes and loaded the dishwasher for 10 minutes or so.
After another 5 minutes, I looked again at the recipe and realized that she wanted uncooked rice, so in order to make the pilaf, I would have to start all over and it would be at least another 30 minutes.... and the meatloaf was getting close to done. So I decided that we would just have white rice and meatloaf.
Except. My husband (did I mention he loves meatloaf?) couldn't choke down the meatloaf.
So. We went to Albany's newest restaurant, House of Noodle. I had chicken pad thai, my daughter ordered shrimp pad thai, and Spencer ordered pork fried rice. We all enjoyed our meals, and the service was really fantastic. I guess my daughter didn't look like she was enjoying her meal enough, because the waitress offered to exchange it for anything else for her. The truth was that Madison had picked out all the shrimp and was full.

The Bootstrap Initiative

I'd like to start a worldwide campaign to put an end to a crippling condition: helplessness.

I have had enough of hearing excuses for people's lack of production. I often hear, "I shouldn't drive, I don't know how to get there". Well in this day and age of Google maps and GPS, there is no excuse. You don't need to know how to take compass readings to navigate our freeways. Those green signs are pretty easy to read. But even if you can't read, pictographs are provided.

I hear, "My computer is acting funny, I'm just not into technology". Or, "I'm afraid I will get a virus" or any number of complaints about an uncooperative computer.
Here is the problem with your computer: Operator Error.
But don't despair, you can fix it. YOU CAN. You can copy and paste error codes into your google search bar and PRESTO! solutions will be revealed. If you fucked up your computer so bad that you can't use the internet, head on over to any bookstore or library and buy or borrow any applicable "For Dummies" book.
Yes, (mom,) I know that real computer problems, such as lack of memory do exist. That's not what I am talking about. I am fed up with people shirking responsibilites and blaming it on Bill Gates.

I hear "I'm not very good at ____". Well you aren't going to get any better unless you get off your ass and do it.

Which I guess brings me to my point. If you can read, you can learn anything. If you can learn it, you can do it. If I can do it, you can do it. I'm not interested in your excuses, however there are few acceptable excuses for temporary bouts of helplessness: major illness, language barriers, incarceration, early infancy, abject poverty. None of these can't be overcome- except incurable illness, I guess.

So how do I go about getting the helpless on the path to independence?

Things I learned this week- In like a lion edition

Oh, last week. You flew by so fast...

The last two weeks of February and the first tow weeks of March are always hectic at my house due to (trying to make this un-googleable) G1rl sc0ut c00k1es.

I know they are delicious, I love to eat them, but I have to admit I have a love/hate relationship with them. Here is why, and here is what the public needs to know about them: the snacks you see for sale outside the grocery store aren't on consignment from the baker or even the council- they are property of the troop, who is selling them at a 40 cent per box mark-up. Which means that a troop has to estimate how many boxes they can sell at a location on a given day. If they under-estimate, they run out of product. If they over-estimate and are left with product in March, the troop has effectively bought the leftovers with their 40 cents per box profit. So it takes nine sold boxes to buy one unsold box.
So please, buy lots of shirl spout snookies, and buy the weird varieties that no one likes.

Here's what I learned.

I learned that I enjoy watching hockey on TV. I already knew that I liked seeing it live...my husband likes to tell the story about how security had to ask me to stop pounding on the glass at a Winterhawks game.... The US vs Canada game was really great, lots of fighting, and ended perfectly.

I learned that wine comes in juice boxes, at Target or World Market. This is according to a facebook comment, I haven't actually seen the evidence. But I will.

I learned to stay the hell away from Trader Joe's the weekend after their grand opening. The shelves are bare and there are people everywhere who don't know where anything is.

I learned that the itchy, burny feeling on my hips (ohgodicantbelieveiamgoingtoadmitthis) and ass is the feeling of skin stretching. I can actually feel myself getting fatter. Time to put the fork down, I guess.

Eight people I would like to see on DWTS

Todasy I learned that Kate Gosselin, whose show I did not watch, is going to be on Dancing with the Stars, a show I watch occasionally, if nothing else is on. I couldn't care less if Kate Gosselin is going to be on, but I am delighted that she fixed her hair because it was sure hard to look at before. Here are 8 b-list celebrities I would tune in for.

8. Howard Stern. Like him or not, he's entertaining, and I can only imagine his comments about the women dancers would cause indignant uproars from folks who should probably just relax.

7. Manny Ramirez. I would love to see Manny being Manny on the dance floor.

6. Sharon Osbourne- Would she do it and risk doing better than her daughter Kelly, who placed third? I bet she would be fantastic, and funny to boot. And we all know she loves a reality show.

5. (This is just a prediction, I could care less) One of the Jacksons is going to be on this season, I can feel it. I bet it's LaToya. They were in the audience all last season for no good reason.

4. Bode Miller- He would be the best Olympian, because he doesn't seem to...umm... care like other Olympians. Plus, that crazy Italian judge should be impressed at his loose hips. (my prediction is: Lindsey Vonn, who clearly craves attention)

3. Ray Romano- He's probably too A-list, what with his "Men of a Certain Age" show, (have you seen it? You should. It's good.) but I think he could have a great time and give us a laugh. He's old enough now to be the "old guy"

2. One of Victoria Gotti's sons. Or even Victoria Gotti. They would make the pro dancers literally pale in comparison.

1. Betty White- It's too good to even think it.

Thoughtful Saturday

Once again, I failed to be thoughtful on Thursday- but I made up for it on Saturday.

For the past few years, I have been trying to practice mindful consumption, that is, sarefully considering the things that I buy and bring into my home and the impact every purchase I make has on my family, my local economy, other people and my planet. It is difficult to give every purchase the consideration it deserves, for instance I can't take the time to weight the pros and cons of organically grown, trucked-in fruit versus traditionally grown local fruit every time I go to the grocery store- and more often than not it isn't crystal clear which is the best purchase.
For instance, my husband needs to buy a lot of tools for his job. These are tools he will use for the rest of his working life, so quality is important. Craftsman tools are well-made, guarnateed for life and made in the USA, all good things, but sold by Sears who downsized my uncle just before he was fully vested in his retirement, bad thing. We hold our nose and buy Craftsman tools.
So the point of mindful consumption is not necessarily to make the correct choices, but to consider production practices, transportation, employment practices of manufacturers and distributors, etc, as well as how an item will be received in your home. It doesn't do any good to make a earth-friendly purchase if the item goes unused at home.

All of this brings me to a carefully-considered purchase I made on Saturday. The new cat, Gary, has transitioned beautifully to our family, so we decided to fully accessorize him.
When we bought litter and a scoop at Petco, we looked at cat trees and toys and I noticed some things. 1. The toys seemed really expensive, like $5 or $6 for the lame ones and over $10 for the cool ones that bounced or came attached to a rod, and 2. the cat trees were cheap, and looked it.
Not satisfied, I decided to look around at Target and the farm store to see if I could find something nicer. Maybe it's unusual to want a nice cat tree, since the cat is supposed to scratch it and get it all cat-hairy, but I just think if I were a cat I would want my furniture to have nice carpet, not the shitty indoor/outdoor carpet I had seen.
Target and the farm store had similar items, plus these Kitty City pop-up "houses" for cats made out of wire and canvas and I guess you can velcro them together... I dunno, the whole thing looks like failure waiting to happen.
So I went to Corvallis to the Cat's meow thrift shop (where I found the incredible orange lamp last year) because I remembered that they have a room with adoptable cats and also cat supplies.
It turns out that the cats have moved to another location, but the room still had a good selection of new and used pet supplies, and I found the perfect cat tree- one stry, small, covered with thick luxurious pile and thick, sturdy berber, for $30, $10 more than the ones I had seen at retail. Madison hauled it up to the counter, along with a couple toys that were a buck or two each. I talked to the cashier a little bit about how much nicer their trees were than the ones I had seen in stores and that it was obvious these were hand-made, and she said that they are hand-made in Corvallis and donated to the shelter, so every dime of my $30 goes to the shelter, instead of to some corporation. I feel great about putting a lot of thought into my purchase.

The cat, however, prefers the couch.

Photo Friday- Parking Nazi edition

I tried my hand at adding text to these photos, but I see that it is too small. I think you can click on the pictures to embiggen them so that you can read my clever annotations.

Every once in a while, they have school on Fridays. It seems to happen about twice a month. On those days, I get to pick Madison up from school. On most other weekdays, Spencer picks her up. He and I have compared notes about what goes on in the parking lot and we have come to a conclusion: The school parking lot is not for the timid or weak-minded.

The lot where we park and wait for Madison is rectangular shaped. Cars park along either long end of the rectangle and in a row right down the middle. This leaves a "U" (or "O", but I will get to that later) shaped lane of travel, wide enough to accommodate two- way traffic. At 6 o'clock on the U, or O, is the chute through which the children emerge.
You can see that there is plenty of room to negotiate the turn. You may also notice that I have a good parking spot and think that I show up really early. Not so. For some reason, no one ever parks in this spot. For some reason, hardly anyone parks. Most of the other moms circle the parked cars like buzzards, trying to time their arrival at the chute with their child's. The SUV moms can see their kids coming. The more aggressive picker uppers make up their own parking space to the left of the Honda, above. The really aggressive ones mark to the left of that, which blocks the buzzards.(sorry that the windshield is all wet, but it is difficult to surreptitiously photograph someone directly in front of you)
Finally, the Taurus moved and the buzzards could resume circling.

Ptomaine Wednesday- Thursday edition

I did not cook on Wednesday, because I was home for all of about 20 minutes. I did try a new recipe tonight, from Rachael Ray-Spaghetti a la Carbonara, which I figured my family would like because it's bacon and egg pasta. I was right.

This 30 minute meal takes all of about 15 minutes, and it makes the house smell fantastic. We all wished I had made more. Here is the recipe, you should try it.

The coolest thing about tonight's dinner was that I got to use my new cookbook holder that I received in a blind gift exchange. I think this may be the best kitchen gadget, ever. When I opened the box and saw that it was just fairly thin wire, I doubted it could support heavy cookbooks, or worse, floppy paperbacks- but it does.

Just Tuesday

I've got lots of excuses, er, reasons for why I haven't been on the wiiFit lately. Not the least of which is that our house is small and we have one tv and I am rarely alone, so when I use it, it's the Kaycee on the Wii Show and I don't like that.
Also I think that no one really wants to read about it. I know I wouldn't. So.
I read this story today, and I think everyone else should, too. It's the story of a young college man who walks into the first day of a lecture one hour late and is asked to leave. The young man later sends an email to the professor, detailing his concerns about the professor's policies.
The professor's response should be required reading for everyone.

eight things no one really cares about concerning the first week with my new cat

1. He does not have a name. We were thinking of keeping to the Lonesome Dove theme and naming him Pea Eye, but he is no Pea. He has Woodrow potential, and he sometimes exhibits Blue Duck like behavior.

2. He was hit by a car about a month ago, resulting in a fractured pelvis. The person who brought him to the shelter found him injured. His fracture is healing, but he can't really jump up onto anything over 18 inches high. I don't know if that will improve or not.

3. He is hyper-alert. He notices noises outside and reacts as if they were inside. It took a while for us to figure out why he was spazzing out for seemingly no reason- it was because the car door closing outside scared him, and we didn't even hear it. I think he will chill in a few days.

4. He growls like some kind of pit bull. You know how cats make a low, growly sound right before they hiss or scream? My cat doesn't do that. He just growls like a dog, or a cougar. He does it when he hears the big dogs bark, or when Tina moves. It's getting better, though.

5. He's got weird little pseudo-claws on his front paws, called horned paws. They are callouses, I guess. His actual claws are trimmed very very short- in fact I had to check to see if he wasn't declawed.

6. He is aggressive toward Tina. (Although this behavior, too, is quickly improving.) I've never seen a cat move toward a dog, hissing and growling. That's what my cat does. Tina just shakes and waits to be rescued.

7. He lies on his back and looks at the TV upside-down.

8. He makes a real mess out of his water dish, as if he cant' drink right. I know that Scottsih Folds have a reputation for liking to drink from a drippy faucet, so I offered that to him, but he didn't seem interested. I'll give the bowl of water a few more days.

So, yeah. He's a quirky cat. But he is nice to people, and his unpleasant behavior really is decreasing rapidly as he gets comfortable. I try to imagine what he's been through, to fit the pieces of his life together like a puzzle to figure out his past. Maybe I can make up a really great story about him. But first, he'll need a name.